I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
