you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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