Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
