I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
