this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
