What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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