Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
