If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
