Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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