Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize