perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
