dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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