My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
