my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
