I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
