I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
