That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
