I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
