ugly people sure do ruin things
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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