when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
