Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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