It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
