Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
