I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
