Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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