can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
