yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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