Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
