where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
