I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize