We named our party play list daddy issues
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
