...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
