also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
