She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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