Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So squirting runs in the family.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
