I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
