Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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