He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
