i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
