i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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