no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
