OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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