Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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