I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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