I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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