forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
