Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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