she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
