I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
