JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
