Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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