I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
