I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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