I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
