Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
