i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
