Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Thursdays are my worst days

  (1-416): View more from Ontario

  but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?

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  (416): Thursdays are my worst days (1-416): but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay? http://tfl.nu/vmle
  Replies (49) Good night (4878) Bad night (739)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.

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  (513): you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that. http://tfl.nu/6e0s
  Replies (11) Good night (755) Bad night (4547)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.

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  (443): Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one. http://tfl.nu/dq1o
  Replies (131) Good night (7946) Bad night (2208)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.

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  (215): tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style. http://tfl.nu/z5di
  Replies (11) Good night (3604) Bad night (1117)
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  (530): View more from California

  Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication

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  (530): Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication http://tfl.nu/e0p4
  Replies (11) Good night (2419) Bad night (669)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me

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  (514): I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me http://tfl.nu/t69r
  Replies (2) Good night (1898) Bad night (610)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Coming to you live from the floor of my office..

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  (919): Coming to you live from the floor of my office.. http://tfl.nu/0ate
  Replies (2) Good night (1376) Bad night (534)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza

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  (484): Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza http://tfl.nu/hmnl
  Replies (0) Good night (1153) Bad night (514)
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  (714): View more from California

  You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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  (714): You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue! http://tfl.nu/dw09
  Replies (5) Good night (1657) Bad night (712)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."

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  (630): Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick." http://tfl.nu/sgnz
  Replies (13) Good night (859) Bad night (1462)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see

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  (651): Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see http://tfl.nu/afr3
  Replies (6) Good night (1512) Bad night (402)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  They're like sad pomegranates.

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  (810): So I went tanning and I burned my boobs. (810): They're like sad pomegranates. http://tfl.nu/z57h
  Replies (4) Good night (403) Bad night (1130)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.

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  (334): Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner. http://tfl.nu/nga8
  Replies (4) Good night (510) Bad night (767)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.

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  (406): My vagina needs her own mother sometimes. http://tfl.nu/l820
  Replies (2) Good night (444) Bad night (325)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there

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  (215): I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there http://tfl.nu/ipty
  Replies (1) Good night (408) Bad night (143)

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