i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
