Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?