I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter