Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.