he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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