Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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