You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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