Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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